Ex-Muslim blog

This blog is directed at ex-Muslims, written by ex-Muslims.

This one is for the ex-Muslims out there, the struggling ones, the ones at a cross roads. I left Islam over what ended up being a period of several years. I learned some things in that time, and I’ve learned from the experiences of friends who have quit the deen as well. There’s not very much out there for us, is there? I scoured the internet for hours, days looking for advice. I wanted to connect with others who’ve been here. I have found some connections, but it’s a quilt. Patchworks of friends, forums, blogs, books. There is no ready made ex-Muslim community. We are as diverse now as we were when we were Muslims, and still as disconnected from one another in many ways just as we were then.

She recommends a few guidelines, which I think some of my ex-Christian friends might find useful:

Embrace Your Anger
You’re going to feel like you were lied to, betrayed, bamboozled. This is natural, and you have to confront it and deal with it. I guess there are a few people who can walk away cleanly, and my hat is off to them. But for the most part, you’re going to have some very negative emotions to deal with.

Regret is a Bitch
You’re going to feel regret. A lot of us did things in our pursuit of faith that had serious consequences on our dunyah, our earthly lives. We quit jobs or gave up promotions that would have given us more pay and benefits and prestige for ‘the sake of Allah’. Because we wanted more time to spend reading Quran or doing zikr, or because the job would have required being subordinate to a woman or having close contact with the opposite gender.

Kick yourself in the ass a few times. Mourn everything you lost.

But you have to pick yourself up and get on with it. You already wasted time — don’t waste more drowning yourself in your sorrows.

Hold Steady
Create a support network, and try to stay away from intense debates with Muslims. For the most part, these debates are utterly pointless and you may open yourself up to harm. Pace yourself in terms of how you explore your new world.

Going Godless
In my limited experiences so far,  most of the people who leave Islam tend to not take up another religion later, and most are agnostic or atheist. However, even if you still believe in some sort of god or gods, you should probably take it easy with religion, at least for a while. Otherwise, you may be setting yourself up for a pattern of devotion, disillusionment, and disbelief.

Life Your Life in Colour
Life without Islam can be a marvelous, beautiful thing. I urge you to take the opportunity to do things you couldn’t or wouldn’t do before when and how you can. This doesn’t mean you have to go crazy. Sometimes, it’s the little things that make your day.

Rediscover music. Movies. Have a glass of wine with your dinner. Perhaps some bacon? I have to tell you, one of my great pleasures has been reintegrating adult language into my vocabulary.

You will have regret, anger, sadness on your plate for a long time. But in my experience, and those of my friends, you will also experience relief, and joy. Speaking for myself, I have never felt so unburdened, and so happy as I am now.  Hold fast to your true friends.  Rediscover the joys of life.  Never stop questioning, especially when they tell you ‘Cos god said so’.