“Coming out” as an atheist

Atheism is tricky. It’s easy to hide being an atheist, and there’s not much benefit to coming out. The risks of coming out of the closet are obvious — atheists are mocked, insulted, and rarely tolerated, both in “real life” and in popular culture. But, keep in mind that if you stay silent, evangelicals will take your silence as complicity, and will continue to try to influence politics and culture.

It’s not easy. There are religious family members, neighbors and co-workers who won’t like your views. You may wish to choose who you tell carefully. For example, it’s probably not a good idea to bring it up to your elderly religious grandmother. It would cause distress, and there’s simply no point. But, you should tell your close friends, and you should tell your spouse. 

I’ve found that there are often several stages to “coming out” as an atheist. However, if you are currently on the fence — that is, if you know you don’t believe in god but haven’t yet publicly voiced it — you should come out. Now. 

Here’s one way to do it, once you’ve decided. Go as slowly or as fast as you want. It took me 30 years to call myself an atheist, even though I can say that I’ve been once since I was a child, and several years (and one new job) to get to the point where I could identify myself as an atheist to the rest of the world.

1. Get comfortable calling yourself an atheist
So you don’t believe in god. You’re an atheist, and that’s OK. Atheism is not a dirty word. It shows that you have the ability to think critically about the world around you, and you are unlikely to simply accept something just because everyone else is doing it.

2. Share your ideas
Tell a friend or family member. You will probably be surprised by their reaction — it could be good or bad (I told my father I was an atheist recently, and he replied with a smile that he was too!) — but don’t keep it to yourself. 

3. Join an atheist MeetUp or group
You’ll meet many, many kind, compassionate, and reasonable people with views like yours. You don’t have to be alone. Atheist groups abound!

4. Get used to it
There is an ugly side to this. Atheists get harassed, yelled at, mocked and rejected. It can get ugly sometimes, but don’t be afraid. Cope with this by participating in forums or discussions, attending protests, or simply by talking to people. You’ll learn that the more negative and vehement the response, the more unreasonable and untenable the stance. Don’t be ashamed, and don’t be scared. People who are frightened by the tenuous nature of their faith tend to be the loudest and the most hateful.

6. Remember that you’re not alone
Seriously. There is a lot of support out there from fellow atheists. There’s community. Some of the best friends I have are atheists, and they’re some of the most kind, rational people I know. We tend to be concerned about ethics and morality on a day-to-day basis — not just on Sundays!